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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Our thoughts determine our happiness.

작성자: 김*준
2022-03-04 516

회원님의 영작문

I think there are lots of influences in our life, depending on the degree of diet, our appearance will be changed. For example, before dieting i was fat and after dieting i changed to slim properly. First of all, This is good for my health.

And then, my friends told me “ You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well\", and so on. When I heard those, I felt proud. Sometimes pride gives me confidence or courage. And I can do my job better, even if I make a mistake. That is the positive influence of a successful diet.

But many people fail on their diets. or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. It’s called the “yo-yo effect”. Of course I experienced that. At that time I was disappointed. I think this is real life.

Depending on what we think of it. Our life will be happy or not.
Anyway, I hope I will be happy and my teacher will also be happy and healthy.

Thank you.I expect to meet you in the next class.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Elliot!

Another well answered homework! Your diet and your point of view in life is really worthy of respect. I am also happy to hear positive stories like yours! Like how your friends give you compliments and how you can see the results that you now reap. It also inspires me to work on myself. Thank you too for wishing me health and happiness! I wish it upon you and your family too.

For today's corrections, not much grammar corrections! Instead, please look at the punctuations you used, as well the as capitalization of "I". These are very minor errors, so good job! But since they are minor errors, it is best if you can adapt and fix them immediately next time.
Thank you again for your everlasting effort, and I promise this will help you improve a lot.

Have a nice weekend!
-Teacher Violet 

I think there are lots of influences in our life, depending on the degree of diet, our appearance will be changed. 

>> CORRECT!

OR >> …our appearance will change depending on the degree of diet.   

 

For example, before dieting i was fat and after dieting i changed to slim properly. 

>> For example, before dieting I was fat and after dieting I changed to slim properly. 



First of all, This is good for my health.

>> First of all, this is good for my health.


And then, my friends told me “ You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well\", and so on. 

>> And then, my friends told me “You are good, you look healthy, you can control your life well", and so on. 


When I heard those, I felt proud. 

>> CORRECT!


Sometimes pride gives me confidence or courage. 

>> CORRECT!

And I can do my job better, even if I make a mistake. 

>> CORRECT!

That is the positive influence of a successful diet.

>> CORRECT!
OR >> Those are the positive influences of a successful diet.

But many people fail on their diets. or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. 

>> But many people fail on their diets, or although they were successful for a certain period, after the period, they will gain more weight. 



It’s called the “yo-yo effect”. 

>> CORRECT!

Of course I experienced that. 

>> Of course, I experienced that. 



At that time I was disappointed. 

>> CORRECT!

I think this is real life.

>> CORRECT!

Depending on what we think of it. Our life will be happy or not.

>> Depending on what we think of it, our life will be happy or not.



Anyway, I hope I will be happy and my teacher will also be happy and healthy.

>> CORRECT! Aw, thank you so much!!! You too!

Thank you. 

>> CORRECT!

I expect to meet you in the next class.

>> CORRECT! See you too~
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