¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you think should wars be stopped and prevented?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-03-02 811

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that wars should be prevented with the way how all countries become strong because some countries attack other countries which are weaker than them. So, I think that if all countries become strong, any country will not be easy to attack other country. Also, wars should be stopped with the way how other countries have to support countries which be attacked by stronger countries but, I hope that any war don't be broken out.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly! 

Wars are never good in any forms. All countries should form unity. Just like in people, we should not bully the ones that are weaker. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


I think that wars should be prevented with the way how all countries become strong because some countries attack other countries which are weaker than them. 
>> CORRECT

So, I think that if all countries become strong, any country will not be easy to attack other country. 
>> So, I think that if all countries become strong, no country would be easy to attack. 

Also, wars should be stopped with the way how other countries have to support countries which be attacked by stronger countries but, I hope that any war don't be broken out.
>> Also, wars should be stopped with the way how other countries have to support other countries. I hope wars won't exist anymore. 


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116650 My homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 443
116649 Home work ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 215
116648 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 0
116647 What is an editorial page? / Why is it important to read the... ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 287
116646 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 297
116645 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 227
116644 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 602
116643 homework ¾ç*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 438
116642 What is your friend\'s bucket list? OR What is a common bucket... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 308
116641 What do you think is the worst invention ever and why? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 395
116640 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 516
116639 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 2
116638 Homework (2/18) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 0
116637 After Long Vacation ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 807
116636 Korean movies ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 3
116635 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 2
116634 HOMEWORK: When did you learn to tell the time? / What are the... ¼­*¾È ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 536
116633 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 616
116632 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 471
116631 If you had a lot of money, what is the first thing you\'ll buy... ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-21 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04