¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How do you think should wars be stopped and prevented?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-03-02 801

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that wars should be prevented with the way how all countries become strong because some countries attack other countries which are weaker than them. So, I think that if all countries become strong, any country will not be easy to attack other country. Also, wars should be stopped with the way how other countries have to support countries which be attacked by stronger countries but, I hope that any war don't be broken out.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly! 

Wars are never good in any forms. All countries should form unity. Just like in people, we should not bully the ones that are weaker. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!


I think that wars should be prevented with the way how all countries become strong because some countries attack other countries which are weaker than them. 
>> CORRECT

So, I think that if all countries become strong, any country will not be easy to attack other country. 
>> So, I think that if all countries become strong, no country would be easy to attack. 

Also, wars should be stopped with the way how other countries have to support countries which be attacked by stronger countries but, I hope that any war don't be broken out.
>> Also, wars should be stopped with the way how other countries have to support other countries. I hope wars won't exist anymore. 


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116860 HOMEWORK ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-26 720
116859 Homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-02-26 517
116858 What comes to mind when you hear the word ¡®war¡¯? How do you... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 729
116857 2/25 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 608
116856 Which famous celebrity influenced you the most and why? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 741
116855 What\'s your favorite flower and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 0
116854 Do you prefer to have many friends or just a few that you are... Àü*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 464
116853 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 410
116852 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 612
116851 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 1166
116850 What are some good things or bad things about having a computer? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 349
116849 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 0
116848 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 2
116847 WRITING ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 0
116846 WRITING ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 0
116845 WRITING ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 0
116844 lesson 6 homework ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 499
116843 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 608
116842 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 656
116841 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-25 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04