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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Avoid watching news is the way to lose our stress.

작성자: 김*준
2022-02-23 553

회원님의 영작문

Watching the news is very important to me. I’m a director in a company. So, when I manage that, I need lots of information related to my business. I usually get lots of information from customers, or by the internet, or by watching news programs.

But when I watched the news by TV, sometimes, I felt stressful because the news ware really bad news those are a violence, a war, even fake news, or too biased news like that
sometimes, too repetitive news, even the news was important.

And then, I usually changed the channel

I think the news is important and necessary but we have to live our life
A lot of the news has not happened in my life or in my neighborhood.
So we need to know the present age, but we don’t have to worry too much

that’s why, I think avoid watching news is the way to lose our stress.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Elliot!

Thank you again for sharing your take on stressful news. I agree with you. Even I, honestly do not watch the news that much anymore. Especially with the spread of fake news, I don't even know what to believe anymore.

For today's corrections, I am so happy that the corrections reduced a lot! Do observe that again, there are some long sentences which will be better if they are separated into 2. Also, don't forget to use periods (.) to end your sentences.

Great job on this one! Keep it up!
-Teacher Violet


Watching the news is very important to me. 
>>CORRECT!

I’m a director in a company.
>>CORRECT!

So, when I manage that, I need lots of information related to my business. 
>>CORRECT!

I usually get lots of information from customers, or by the internet, or by watching news programs.

>> I usually get lots of information from customers, through the internet, or by watching news programs.


But when I watched the news by TV, sometimes, I felt stressful because the news ware really bad news those are a violence, a war, even fake news, or too biased news like that
sometimes, too repetitive news, even the news was important.
>> But when I watch the news on TV, sometimes, I feel stressed because the news is really bad news about violence, war, even fake news or very biased news. (Do you mean like this? :) )Sometimes, they get repetitive even if the news is important.

And then, I usually changed the channel
>> And then, I usually change the channel.

I think the news is important and necessary but we have to live our life

>> I think the news is important and necessary but we have to live our lives.


A lot of the news has not happened in my life or in my neighborhood.
>>CORRECT!

So we need to know the present age, but we don’t have to worry too much that’s why, I think avoid watching news is the way to lose our stress.
>> So we need to know the present age, but we don’t have to worry too much. That’s why, I think avoiding watching news is one way to lose/reduce our stress.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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04

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