¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the worst invention ever and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-02-21 372

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, guns, bombs, and other weapons are the worst invention ever.
I can't know the exact purpose of those weapons, but nowadays, people are killing one another with those weapons.
Because of these things, people who don't have any faults are dying.
And we shouldn't make these kinds of circumstances.
That's why I think the weapons such as guns, and bombs are the worst invention to the humans.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

I heard from one of my students that the inventor of bombs didn't intend to make it to kill other people, but to use it for mining. So, there are different  usages for these weapons but people use it for violence. Many innocent people are greatly  affected by this. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

In my opinion, guns, bombs, and other weapons are the worst invention ever.
>>In my opinion, guns, bombs, and other weapons are the worst inventions ever.

I can't know the exact purpose of those weapons, but nowadays, people are killing one another with those weapons.
>> I know the exact purpose of those weapons, but nowadays, people are using it to kill one another. 

Because of these things, people who don't have any faults are dying.
>> Because of these things, many people become victims. 

And we shouldn't make these kinds of circumstances.
>> CORRECT

That's why I think the weapons such as guns, and bombs are the worst invention to the humans.
>> That's why I think the weapons such as guns, and bombs are the worst invention by humans.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117240 I would appreciate it if you could review the sentence below. ½Å*±³ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 790
117239 2022.3.10 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 703
117238 What is the difference between families now compared to families... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 2
117237 Tough cookie Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 1105
117236 What is your reaction now that Yoon Seok-youl is the new... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-03-11 488
117235 Writing Task (Mar 10th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 1188
117234 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 1
117233 Are you in favor of abortion? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 0
117232 What is your reaction now that Yoon Seok-youl is the new... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 532
117231 3/10 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 229
117230 my dog Çö*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 0
117229 Why I think it is important to having friends. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 845
117228 HOMEWORK ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 2
117227 I want to go camping with my family. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 807
117226 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 992
117225 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 401
117224 Why I think late school is bad. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 459
117223 My wedding day ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 3
117222 Writing Essay(Mar 9th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 681
117221 Homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-03-10 452

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04