¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the worst invention ever and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-02-21 572

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children be addicted. Of course, smartphone is surprising invention, but it has a side effect. Due to it, while people eat a meal, they watch videos. Also, some children fight with their parents, because of smartphone. Like these, smartphone is the worst invention, but if we make a rule to use smartphone, we will use smartphones wisely. I hope that we can use our great smartphones wisely.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly :)

Using too much of something is never good. Smartphone are great inventions but there should be limitations to it indeed. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children be addicted. 
>> I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children addicted to using it.

Of course, smartphone is surprising invention, but it has a side effect. 
>> Of course, smartphone are great inventions, but they cause some side effects to us. 

Due to it, while people eat a meal, they watch videos. 
>> People still watch videos on their phones even when they are eating. 

Also, some children fight with their parents, because of smartphone. 
>> Also, some children fight with their parents because of smartphone. 

Like these, smartphone is the worst invention, but if we make a rule to use smartphone, we will use smartphones wisely. 
>> Because of these reasons, I think that smartphones are the worst inventions. But if we limit the usage of it, we can use it wisely. 

I hope that we can use our great smartphones wisely.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115936 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 793
115935 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1394
115934 What do people do on the street that annoys you? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 131
115933 look for ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1
115932 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 314
115931 My first vocal teacher:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 617
115930 What would you do if you had to travel to a country where its... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 347
115929 What is your favorite exercise and why? ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 369
115928 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 622
115927 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 289
115926 Do you think it is best to argue or just walk away? À±*ÈÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1
115925 Who is the teacher that inspired you the most and what is the... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 375
115924 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1
115923 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 417
115922 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 906
115921 Old People and Young People ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 1670
115920 Is there any kind of meat you would not eat? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 530
115919 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 265
115918 Why do people sometimes procrastinates? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 2
115917 Which one do you think is better, living alone or with someone? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-26 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04