¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the worst invention ever and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-02-21 561

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children be addicted. Of course, smartphone is surprising invention, but it has a side effect. Due to it, while people eat a meal, they watch videos. Also, some children fight with their parents, because of smartphone. Like these, smartphone is the worst invention, but if we make a rule to use smartphone, we will use smartphones wisely. I hope that we can use our great smartphones wisely.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly :)

Using too much of something is never good. Smartphone are great inventions but there should be limitations to it indeed. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children be addicted. 
>> I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children addicted to using it.

Of course, smartphone is surprising invention, but it has a side effect. 
>> Of course, smartphone are great inventions, but they cause some side effects to us. 

Due to it, while people eat a meal, they watch videos. 
>> People still watch videos on their phones even when they are eating. 

Also, some children fight with their parents, because of smartphone. 
>> Also, some children fight with their parents because of smartphone. 

Like these, smartphone is the worst invention, but if we make a rule to use smartphone, we will use smartphones wisely. 
>> Because of these reasons, I think that smartphones are the worst inventions. But if we limit the usage of it, we can use it wisely. 

I hope that we can use our great smartphones wisely.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115884 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115883 Do you think that older people are always right? Why or why not? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 453
115882 sorry for absent °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 0
115881 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1226
115880 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 474
115879 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 68
115878 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 396
115877 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1093
115876 Hi ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 666
115875 TV show~ ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 9
115874 What is a good conversation for you? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 2
115873 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 107
115872 Homework (1/21) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 2
115871 When I am upset. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115870 It\'s nonsense ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 439
115869 Can money buy happiness È£*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115868 HOMEWORK: What is the coronavirus pandemic situation in your... ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 4
115867 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115866 Why do you think it is important to save the elephant... ¹Ú*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 438
115865 Do you think that older people are always right? Why or why not? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1035

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04