¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the worst invention ever and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-02-21 540

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children be addicted. Of course, smartphone is surprising invention, but it has a side effect. Due to it, while people eat a meal, they watch videos. Also, some children fight with their parents, because of smartphone. Like these, smartphone is the worst invention, but if we make a rule to use smartphone, we will use smartphones wisely. I hope that we can use our great smartphones wisely.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly :)

Using too much of something is never good. Smartphone are great inventions but there should be limitations to it indeed. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children be addicted. 
>> I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children addicted to using it.

Of course, smartphone is surprising invention, but it has a side effect. 
>> Of course, smartphone are great inventions, but they cause some side effects to us. 

Due to it, while people eat a meal, they watch videos. 
>> People still watch videos on their phones even when they are eating. 

Also, some children fight with their parents, because of smartphone. 
>> Also, some children fight with their parents because of smartphone. 

Like these, smartphone is the worst invention, but if we make a rule to use smartphone, we will use smartphones wisely. 
>> Because of these reasons, I think that smartphones are the worst inventions. But if we limit the usage of it, we can use it wisely. 

I hope that we can use our great smartphones wisely.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116078 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1470
116077 My appearance ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 5
116076 LIving WIth Someone ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 655
116075 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116074 What do you think should be done to improve living conditions in... ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 0
116073 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116072 22-02-04 Homework ¹Ú*·É ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116071 What is your favorite social activity? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 328
116070 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 1
116069 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 558
116068 I\\\'m doing my homework...^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 853
116067 Inner beauty À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 163
116066 2022.2.3 Àü* ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 360
116065 Homework ¹Ú*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 396
116064 When was the last time you needed help from someone? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 386
116063 What are you looking forward to this 2022 and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-04 640
116062 homework ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-03 422
116061 . ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-03 1043
116060 What are you looking forward to this 2022 and why? Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-02-03 407
116059 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-03 5

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04