¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the worst invention ever and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-02-21 580

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children be addicted. Of course, smartphone is surprising invention, but it has a side effect. Due to it, while people eat a meal, they watch videos. Also, some children fight with their parents, because of smartphone. Like these, smartphone is the worst invention, but if we make a rule to use smartphone, we will use smartphones wisely. I hope that we can use our great smartphones wisely.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly :)

Using too much of something is never good. Smartphone are great inventions but there should be limitations to it indeed. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children be addicted. 
>> I think that the worst invention is smartphone because it makes children addicted to using it.

Of course, smartphone is surprising invention, but it has a side effect. 
>> Of course, smartphone are great inventions, but they cause some side effects to us. 

Due to it, while people eat a meal, they watch videos. 
>> People still watch videos on their phones even when they are eating. 

Also, some children fight with their parents, because of smartphone. 
>> Also, some children fight with their parents because of smartphone. 

Like these, smartphone is the worst invention, but if we make a rule to use smartphone, we will use smartphones wisely. 
>> Because of these reasons, I think that smartphones are the worst inventions. But if we limit the usage of it, we can use it wisely. 

I hope that we can use our great smartphones wisely.
>> CORRECT
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
117764 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 6
117763 Homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 597
117762 Best ages À±*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 203
117761 What annoying habit do you have? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 210
117760 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 212
117759 cafe ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 230
117758 Why do you think there is a high suicide rate in your country? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 1
117757 HOMEWORK ¹®*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 447
117756 What was the best photo you have taken before? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 1
117755 What was the best thing that happened to you this week? ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 1
117754 1. I have four windows to clean before she comes back. a. window... Àå*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 434
117753 Would the world be a better place if everyone was a vegetarian?... ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-28 339
117752 HOMEWORK ÀÓ*ÃÑ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-27 1
117751 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-27 1
117750 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-27 367
117749 What do you think about \"Dutch treat\"? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-27 1
117748 In one word, how would you describe BTS now that you have... ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-03-27 2
117747 Do you have any vice? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-03-27 1
117746 The weekends ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-03-27 1
117745 homework ÀÌ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-03-27 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04