¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I really appreciate god

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-02-14 454

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy part of their bodies. In my case, my lungs, heart and other lots of parts are healthy. But my nose and throat is not good. Frankly, 60 percent of people have rhinitis. However, I have serious rhinitis. I can cause unhealthy throat, too. I hate rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate god because I'm not disabled, and there is not very serious disease that can give too bad effect to my life like cancer. In conclusion, I'm not healthy so much but I really appreciate god because of this reasons.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! You have delivered your ideas in an orderly way. Great job! However, please remember to always capitalize the first letter of proper nouns, like God.


- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy part of their bodies. 
>> In my opinion, people have their own healthy and unhealthy parts of their bodies.

In my case, my lungs, heart and other lots of parts are healthy.
>> In my case, my lungs, heart, and other organs are healthy.

But my nose and throat is not good.
>> However, my nose and throat are not healthy.

Frankly, 60 percent of people have rhinitis. However, I have serious rhinitis. 
>> Sixty percent of people have rhinitis, and I am one of them. I have chronic rhinitis.

I can cause unhealthy throat, too.
>> It can affect the throat, too.

I hate rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate god because I'm not disabled, and there is not very serious disease that can give too bad effect to my life like cancer.
>> I have rhinitis a lot, but I really appreciate God because I'm not disabled and I don't have a serious disease like cancer.

In conclusion, I'm not healthy so much but I really appreciate god because of this reasons.
>> In conclusion, I'm not very healthy, but I really appreciate God for the reasons above.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116456 homework ¹Ú*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 458
116455 If you had a lot of money, what is the first thing you\'ll buy... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-16 460
116454 2/15 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 333
116453 How do you maintain your good health? / What do you think is the... ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 553
116452 I\'m doing my homework...^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 184
116451 It is the world where many people live together. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 2
116450 What is your favorite restaurant and why? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 1
116449 What is the worst news you\'ve ever heard in South Korea?... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 584
116448 I don\'t believe in fortune tellers. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 2
116447 How I learn! ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 410
116446 I will make my mother\'s own Bibimbap ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 385
116445 If you had a lot of money, what is the first thing you\'ll buy... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 306
116444 where and what do you want to eat today? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 1
116443 Are you a healthy person? How often do you get sick? What are... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 547
116442 Why do people need friends? What can happen if a person has no... ÅÂ*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 581
116441 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 3
116440 cafes~~ ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 1
116439 Who do you usually ask for help? / What kind of help do you need... ÁÖ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 435
116438 Homework ÇÏ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 377
116437 Govt. considering requiring at-home COVID-19 tests for young... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-15 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04