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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Benefits of using computer or laptop

작성자: 김*환
2022-02-10 960

회원님의 영작문

Many parents worry about their children's computer use time, because a lot of childern use computer or laptop to play online games. But, using computer surely will be helpful for them.

First, we can find useful imformations. Nowadays, students get much tasks from school and academies. So they need lots of imformation in internet necessarialy.

Second, students need rests. Most students suffer from stress. Even they are busier then adults. Ofcource, children can be adicted by computer games. However, computer games are undoubtly great a stress reliver.

Third, the time is chainging. Many experts say, it is the 4th industrial revolution era. therefore, the technologes are related with computer will attract future. So the next generation has to prepare for their future.

Therefore, we need to have open mind to using computer, rather, we need to have an attitude of learn it.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용


Hi Paul,
Computer and Laptop improve your academic performance and interest. With computer skills you adapt to a modern approach of learning, you gain knowledge as well as learn new skills so that you can take up challenges. Computer and laptop help you to engage better with your schoolwork. It's believed that computers completely enhance your mathematical knowledge, critical thinking, and improve scores, besides helping you with problem-solving. ~ Teacher Quenny..:)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many parents worry about their children's computer use time, because a lot of childern use computer or laptop to play online games. 
>> Many parents worry about their children's time of computer use because a lot of children use computers or laptops to play online games. 
But, using computer surely will be helpful for them.
>> But, using a computer will surely be helpful for them and for their school works. 
First, we can find useful imformations.
>> First, we can find various and useful information.
 Nowadays, students get much tasks from school and academies. 
>>  Nowadays, students get many tasks and homework from school and academies. 
So they need lots of imformation in internet necessarialy.
>> So they need to search for lots of information on the internet necessarily.
Second, students need rests. Most students suffer from stress.
>>Second, students need rest. Most students suffer from stress in our country. 
 Even they are busier then adults. 
>>  Even they are busier than adults. 
Ofcource, children can be adicted by computer games. 
>> Of course, children can be addicted to computer games. 
However, computer games are undoubtly great a stress reliver.
>> However, computer games are undoubtedly a great stress reliever.
Third, the time is chainging. Many experts say, it is the 4th industrial revolution era. therefore, the technologes are related with computer will attract future. 
>> Third, the time is changing. Many experts say it is the 4th industrial revolution era. therefore, the technologies that are related to computers will attract the future. 
So the next generation has to prepare for their future.
>> So the next generation has to prepare for their future.(Correct)
Therefore, we need to have open mind to using computer, rather, we need to have an attitude of learn it.
>> Therefore, we need to have an open mind in using computers, rather, we need to have a good attitude of learning it.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many parents worry about their children's computer use time, because a lot of childern use computer or laptop to play online games. But, using computer surely will be helpful for them.

First, we can find useful imformations. Nowadays, students get much tasks from school and academies. So they need lots of imformation in internet necessarialy.

Second, students need rests. Most students suffer from stress. Even they are busier then adults. Ofcource, children can be adicted by computer games. However, computer games are undoubtly great a stress reliver.

Third, the time is chainging. Many experts say, it is the 4th industrial revolution era. therefore, the technologes are related with computer will attract future. So the next generation has to prepare for their future.

Therefore, we need to have open mind to using computer, rather, we need to have an attitude of learn it.
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