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영작교정 게시판

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Is it important to have a goal? Why or why not?

작성자: 김*윤
2022-01-28 282

회원님의 영작문

It is a common belif that we should make specific plan and execute the goal. However, I think otherwise about that. I mean that it is not necessary to comply thoroughly with the plan that is made to achieve goal. This is because it can harm mind of the people who do it. This is also my experience. I decided my study plan and followed strictly the rule that I made. Consequently, I spent my time very nervously. I was always anxious because I thought every time that I may break the rule. I was rude and egoistic in order to follow my rule. Of course,there are a lot of merits of making a goal. I don't think having a goal is absolutely bad at all. We need to plan about what we do today and tommorrow not to waste time but do not be obsessed with that and be flexible. I'm also trying to be flexible

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello Kevin!
Your answer's realistic.  But I wonder why you said you were rude and egoistic.  I hope you explain that in class later.  Check your spelling and punctuation marks before sending your homework. ^^

~T. Maine

It is a common belif that we should make specific plan and execute the goal.
>>It is a common belief that we should make specific plans and execute the goal. 
However, I think otherwise about that. 
>>Correct. 
I mean that it is not necessary to comply thoroughly with the plan that is made to achieve goal. 
>>I mean it is not necessary to comply thoroughly with the plan that is made to achieve a goal. 
This is because it can harm mind of the people who do it. 
>>This is because it can harm the minds of the people who do it. 
This is also my experience. 
>>Correct. 
>>OR: This is also based on my experience. 
I decided my study plan and followed strictly the rule that I made. 
>>I decided on my study plan and followed strictly the rule I made. 
Consequently, I spent my time very nervously. 
>>Correct. 
>>As a consequence, I spent most of my time on it. 
I was always anxious because I thought every time that I may break the rule. 
>>I used to feel anxious because I thought I might break the rule. 
I was rude and egoistic in order to follow my rule. 
>>Correct. 
Of course,there are a lot of merits of making a goal. 
>>Of course, there are a lot of merits in making a goal. 
I don't think having a goal is absolutely bad at all. 
>>Correct. 
We need to plan about what we do today and tommorrow not to waste time but do not be obsessed with that and be flexible. 
>>We need to plan on what we have to do today and tomorrow so as not to waste time.  But don't be obsessed with that and be flexible. 
I'm also trying to be flexible
>>I'm also trying to be flexible. 

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