¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Because of people\'s greed

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-01-25 174

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching. People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. In the past, rhino's ivory was used as very good medicine. Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino's ivory. But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino's weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. Then how can we save them? The way is only one. We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. However, people don't do that small behavior. I think people and I have to change their mind, that 'Other people will do.'

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel! Thank you for an impressive work. You did some research. Excellent! Keep up the good job! 

- Teacher Debbie

Rhinos became endangered because of too much poaching.
>> This is a good sentence.

 People poached them because of their ivory, and leather. 
>>  People poached them because of their ivory and leather. 

In the past, rhino's ivory was used as very good medicine.
>> In the past, a rhino's ivory was used as medicine.

 Because of this reason, people poached a lot of rhinos. 
>> Because of this, people poached a lot of rhinos.

Since people wanted to get ivory with saving them, people only cut rhino's ivory. 
>> Since people only wanted to get the ivory, they just cut them from the rhinos. 

But if there are not ivory to rhino, then it is same disappearing rhino's weapon, so it was still bad way to save rhino. 
>> However, without their ivory, rhinos don't have weapons to protect themselves. 

In addition, recently rhino is hunted because people can make narcotic with it. 
>> In addition, rhinos are hunted because people can make narcotics with them.

Then how can we save them? 
>>  This is a good sentence.

The way is only one. 
>> There is only one way.

We have to tell that poaching rhino have to be stopped. 
>> We have to tell people that poaching rhinos has to stop. 

However, people don't do that small behavior. 
>> However, people don't do this.

I think people and I have to change their mind, that 'Other people will do.'
>> What do you mean?
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116136 What are you looking forward to this 2022 and why? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 492
116135 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 356
116134 I want to know how to be creative ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 957
116133 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 719
116132 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 495
116131 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 5
116130 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 429
116129 Sports Facilities ÃÖ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 1209
116128 My favorite food ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 151
116127 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 1
116126 Claire\'s Homework ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 168
116125 How do you make yourself happy nowadays? ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 682
116124 What is happiness for you? È£*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 1
116123 What is more important for you when buying, the price or the... ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 6
116122 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 1
116121 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 263
116120 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 665
116119 Day 1 homework ¼Õ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 1
116118 . ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 819
116117 If something is annoying you, what do you usually do? ½Å*ÈÄ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-07 1002

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04