¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

It\'s nonsense

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-01-25 453

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it's nonsense.
Age is not important to right thinking.
The world is wide and there are so many crazy people.
Every people they does mistake and hurts somebody.
There's no guarantee that older person won't make a mistake.
And I saw very many time older than me but wierd person.
I like just normal and nicely person :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann:)

That's true. Every person makes mistakes. Humans are not perfect regardless is you are  older or younger so we have to respect each other equally. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think it's nonsense.
> CORRECT

Age is not important to right thinking.
>> Age does not define that you are always right. 

The world is wide and there are so many crazy people.
>> The world is big and there are so many crazy people.

Every people they does mistake and hurts somebody.
>> Every person makes mistakes and hurt other people. 

There's no guarantee that older person won't make a mistake.
>> There's no guarantee that older people don't make mistakes. 

And I saw very many time older than me but wierd person.
>> I've seen older people make more mistakes than me. 

I like just normal and nicely person :)
>> I just act normal and nice when that happens. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115888 Writing correction - 1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 0
115887 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 266
115886 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115885 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115884 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115883 Do you think that older people are always right? Why or why not? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 488
115882 sorry for absent °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 0
115881 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1278
115880 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 509
115879 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 103
115878 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 432
115877 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1131
115876 Hi ¼Û*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 697
115875 TV show~ ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 9
115874 What is a good conversation for you? ¾ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 2
115873 Homework ÀÌ*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 142
115872 Homework (1/21) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 2
115871 When I am upset. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1
115870 It\'s nonsense ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 453
115869 Can money buy happiness È£*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-25 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04