¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

It\'s nonsense

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2022-01-25 468

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think it's nonsense.
Age is not important to right thinking.
The world is wide and there are so many crazy people.
Every people they does mistake and hurts somebody.
There's no guarantee that older person won't make a mistake.
And I saw very many time older than me but wierd person.
I like just normal and nicely person :)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann:)

That's true. Every person makes mistakes. Humans are not perfect regardless is you are  older or younger so we have to respect each other equally. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

I think it's nonsense.
> CORRECT

Age is not important to right thinking.
>> Age does not define that you are always right. 

The world is wide and there are so many crazy people.
>> The world is big and there are so many crazy people.

Every people they does mistake and hurts somebody.
>> Every person makes mistakes and hurt other people. 

There's no guarantee that older person won't make a mistake.
>> There's no guarantee that older people don't make mistakes. 

And I saw very many time older than me but wierd person.
>> I've seen older people make more mistakes than me. 

I like just normal and nicely person :)
>> I just act normal and nice when that happens. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116605 What steps do you utilize to deal with problems at work? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-20 720
116604 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-02-20 1
116603 I\\\'m doing my homework...^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2022-02-20 523
116602 Do you think you eat a well-balanced diet? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 4
116601 My favorite movie ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 2
116600 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 331
116599 Is it better to be a boss or an employee? Why? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 499
116598 Philip Morris Korea\'s new parental leave policy respects all... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 1
116597 I love my books. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 1
116596 Writing Task(Feb 18th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 246
116595 Writing Task(Feb 17th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 549
116594 Writing Task(Feb 16th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 436
116593 Writing Task(Feb 14th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 451
116592 What do you think is the best invention ever and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 710
116591 Do you think that children these days have a better or worse... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1
116590 Hello! Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 421
116589 2/18 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1175
116588 32.33.34 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 750
116587 I\'m going to school soon. ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 511
116586 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1167

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04