¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

We have to protect animals because of ecosystem

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2022-01-21 326

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

We have to know first what animals do for us. Frankly, like lion or panda, they don't help us directly. However, even mosquitoes they are vital animals for ecosystem. If there are not mosquitoes, in the case of dragonflies that eat harmful insects for us, the prays for them will decrease a lot. So if some animals are extinct, there will be bad effects to ecosystem. It says we have to protect them not to be extinct. We can avoid this bad situation as protecting the animals not to be endangered. The best way to protect them is prohibiting the poaching. The reason of being extinct is poaching. So we can punish poaching people by imposing finance to them. In conclusion, we have to protect animals because of ecosystem, and the best way is imposing finance to poacher.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel!   The overall content of your work is comprehensible. Thank you for an impressive work. 


- Teacher Debbie

We have to know first what animals do for us.

>> This is a good sentence.


Frankly, like lion or panda, they don't help us directly.
>> Frankly, animals, like lions or pandas, don't help us directly.

However, even mosquitoes they are vital animals for ecosystem.
>> However, they are vital for the ecosystem, even mosquitoes.

If there are not mosquitoes, in the case of dragonflies that eat harmful insects for us, the prays for them will decrease a lot.
>> Dragonflies eat harmful insects like mosquitoes. If there were no mosquitoes, their prey would decrease in number.

So if some animals are extinct, there will be bad effects to ecosystem.
>> If some animals become extinct, there will be bad effects on the ecosystem.

It says we have to protect them not to be extinct.
>> We have to protect them so they will not vanish.

 We can avoid this bad situation as protecting the animals not to be endangered.
>> No need to write this. It's the same as the sentence before it.

The best way to protect them is prohibiting the poaching.
>> T
he best way to protect them is to prohibit poaching.

The reason of being extinct is poaching.
>> It is the reason for extinction.

So we can punish poaching people by imposing finance to them.
>> We can punish poachers by imposing fines.

 In conclusion, we have to protect animals because of ecosystem, and the best way is imposing finance to poacher.
>>  In conclusion, we have to protect animals for the ecosystem, and the best way to do that is to impose fines on poachers.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
116602 Do you think you eat a well-balanced diet? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 4
116601 My favorite movie ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 2
116600 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 327
116599 Is it better to be a boss or an employee? Why? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 491
116598 Philip Morris Korea\'s new parental leave policy respects all... À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 1
116597 I love my books. ±è*Å ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 1
116596 Writing Task(Feb 18th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 244
116595 Writing Task(Feb 17th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 548
116594 Writing Task(Feb 16th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 435
116593 Writing Task(Feb 14th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 449
116592 What do you think is the best invention ever and why? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-02-19 710
116591 Do you think that children these days have a better or worse... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1
116590 Hello! Ȳ*±¸ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 414
116589 2/18 homework ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1167
116588 32.33.34 ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 743
116587 I\'m going to school soon. ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 508
116586 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 1153
116585 HOMEWORK ¹è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 659
116584 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 0
116583 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-02-18 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04