¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think is the most important thing to make a happy family?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*À±
2022-01-20 904

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

It is a common belif that keeping close between family members causes good family relations. However, there is a more pursuasive argument that we should keep our distance properly from our family. This is because we need the peronal time and keeping too close between family members interrupt our privacy. although we are a family, we should respect individual's opnion. In fact, In korea, there are few parents who respect their young children's opnion. Sometimes, they even force their chcildren to act that they want. So, I think that we, koreans, need to change our mind. To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's idea because we have the right to act freely without pressure. If we consider all family member's thoughts, they feel grateful each other and they will certainly become a happy family

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Good evening Kevin!
Your family is the reason why you are here on Earth.  Treasure them and make them proud.  Show them how you love them too.  Remember to place punctuation marks at the end of your sentences and check your spellings as well.  ^^

~T. Maine

It is a common belif that keeping close between family members causes good family relations. 
>>It is a common belief that keeping close to family members leads to good relationships. 
However, there is a more pursuasive argument that we should keep our distance properly from our family. 
>>However, there is a more persuasive argument that tells us to keep our distance properly from family members. 
This is because we need the peronal time and keeping too close between family members interrupt our privacy. 
>>This is because we also need our personal time and keeping too close to them may interrupt our privacy. 
although we are a family, we should respect individual's opnion. 
>>Although we are a family, we should still respect an individual's opinion. 
In fact, In korea, there are few parents who respect their young children's opnion. 
>>In fact in Korea, there are few parents who respect their children's opinions. 
Sometimes, they even force their chcildren to act that they want. 
>>Sometimes, they even force their children to do what they want instead of giving them freedom. 
So, I think that we, koreans, need to change our mind. 
>>So, I think we, Koreans, need to change our minds. 
To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's idea because we have the right to act freely without pressure. 
>>To sum up, the most important thing to make a happy family is recognizing everyone's ideas because we have the right to act freely without any pressure from parents. 
If we consider all family member's thoughts, they feel grateful each other and they will certainly become a happy family
>>If we consider all family members' thoughts, they feel grateful for each other and they will certainly become a happy family. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115806 We have to protect animals because of ecosystem ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 286
115805 Homework ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 464
115804 My second day. ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 680
115803 Can music influence your behavior? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 754
115802 How do you feel about making choices for other people? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 636
115801 what kind of art do you like the most? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1
115800 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 87
115799 What does this saying mean, \"blood is thicker than water\"? ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 215
115798 What do you think is your main purpose in life? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 957
115797 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 2
115796 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 2
115795 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 342
115794 What do you think is your main purpose in life? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 797
115793 homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 2
115792 ielts task 1 ¼Û*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 963
115791 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 951
115790 If you could be another person for a day, who would you be? Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1012
115789 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 542
115788 Homework(1/20) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1
115787 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-21 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04