¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you think that having a lot of money can make you happy? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-01-19 565

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, money is just a tool that can make us happy a little.
We can do many things with money such as buying some stuff, and staying in a cozy house.
We can feel happiness because we are in a comfortable situation when we have a lot of money.
But, exactly, money doesn't make us happy.
We just feel happiness when we are enjoying something that make us comfortable.
Money doesn't make us comfortable, instead, we can feel comfortable by money.
So I think money is just a key that we can be happy and comfortable.
But there are many exceptions so we shouldn't be crazy to money.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John :) 

That's true. Money is a big aspect in our lives but it is not the only thing that keeps us alive. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon!

In my opinion, money is just a tool that can make us happy a little.
>> In my opinion, money is just a tool that can make us happy for a little bit. 

We can do many things with money such as buying some stuff, and staying in a cozy house.
>> We can do many things with money such as buying some stuff, and affording to stay at a cozy house. 

We can feel happiness because we are in a comfortable situation when we have a lot of money.
>> CORRECT

But, exactly, money doesn't make us happy.
>> But money alone can't make us happy. 

We just feel happiness when we are enjoying something that make us comfortable.
>> CORRECT

Money doesn't make us comfortable, instead, we can feel comfortable by money.
>> Money doesn't make us comfortable, instead, we can feel comfortable because of money.

So I think money is just a key that we can be happy and comfortable.
>> So I think money is just a key so that we can be happy and comfortable. 

But there are many exceptions so we shouldn't be crazy to money.
>> Still, there are many exceptions so we should be too crazy about money. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115477 homework Àü*¾÷ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 318
115476 Homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 203
115475 When I\'m worn out. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 1
115474 If there is a place where you wished to be born, where would it... ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 479
115473 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 0
115472 Good evening! °­*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 279
115471 If you can live in another city in South Korea, which one will... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 409
115470 Tuesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 929
115469 Can you give me one superstition in South Korea? ±è*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 1
115468 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 0
115467 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 1
115466 Homework ÃÖ*¾Ö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 2
115465 Homework (1/10) ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 2
115464 homework Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 2
115463 Korea locks in COVID19 pills for 1m people ; here\'s what to know À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 1
115462 What things are irreplaceable? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 1185
115461 What things are irreplaceable? ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 134
115460 Essay (Jan 11th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 407
115459 > What do you enjoy doing with friends? ÇÑ*È£ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 217
115458 sudsidies ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-11 124

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04