¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽŠ³»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

you can¡¯t buy happiness\". If you were richer, do you think you would be happier?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: º¯*¿ø
2022-01-19 130

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I was young, in my early 20s, i struggled to earn more money at the expense of my youth time and I nothing but got stressed.
At one moment, I realized something goes wrong. I was enlightend that the more I earn money, the more greedy to have much money was followed. And the more I have (like fancy clothes, gadgets, a car and so on) the more I was concerned about them. And I knew that the less I have, the simpler my life will be.
I felt myself poor when I was student without allowance. And the poorless continued until my 20s because of my father's business failure.
So I am still hungry for money. But now I know that enough money can afford my financial affairs to be relaxed(stabled) but cannot bring happiness or contentment. On the contrary, becoming the rich makes someone nervous, unstable and dissatisfied toward life.
Even so, I wish that I could be a billionaire once in my lifetime and want to know how it feels like :))
(My definition of happiness is the time with my family whoi

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, John! ^^
Thank you for the composition.
See you in our next week! :)

~ Teacher Tricia


When I was young, in my early 20s, i struggled to earn more money at the expense of my youth time and I nothing but got stressed.
>> When I was in my early 20s, I struggled to earn more money at the expense of my youth time and I got nothing but stress.

At one moment, I realized something is wrong. 

I was enlightend that the more I earn money, the more greedy to have much money was followed. 
>> I was enlightened that the more I earn money, the more greedy to have much money was followed. 

And the more I have (like fancy clothes, gadgets, a car and so on) the more I was concerned about them. 
>> CORRECT!

And I knew that the less I have, the simpler my life will be.
>> CORRECT!

I felt myself poor when I was student without allowance. 
>> I felt poor when I was a student without allowance. 

And the poorless continued until my 20s because of my father's business failure.
>> And the brokenness continued until my 20's because my father's business was not a success.

So I am still hungry for money. 
>> CORRECT!

But now I know that enough money can afford my financial affairs to be relaxed(stabled) but cannot bring happiness or contentment. 
>> But now I know that having enough money can afford my financial affairs to be relaxed(stabled) but cannot bring happiness or contentment. 

On the contrary, becoming the rich makes someone nervous, unstable and dissatisfied toward life.
>> On the contrary, becoming rich makes someone nervous, unstable, and dissatisfied with life.

Even so, I wish that I could be a billionaire once in my lifetime and want to know how it feels like :))
>> Even so, I wish that I could be a billionaire once in my life and I want to know what it feels like. :)

(My definition of happiness is the time with my family who
>> My definition of happiness is spending time with my family.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115632 Homework ±è*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 346
115631 Do you usually eat healthy food? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 1
115630 A letter (Jan 16th, 2022) ³²*½Â ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 94
115629 How is our accent affected by our birthplace? ¾ö*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 276
115628 homework ¹Ú*¼Ò ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 453
115627 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-17 232
115626 Why I like watching more than reading. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 503
115625 If you could travel back in time, where would you go? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 617
115624 Are simple joys as valuable as complex experiences? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 140
115623 If you could stop a bad habit that you have, what would you stop? Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 386
115622 homework Á¤*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 348
115621 How do you think can we encourage people to take the COVID-19... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 190
115620 Stay healthy ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 1
115619 Should companies focus more on clean technology?. ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 506
115618 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-16 1
115617 How do you handle pressure? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-15 79
115616 How do you try to relieve stress? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2022-01-15 100
115615 Are people always honest when they make excuses? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2022-01-15 0
115614 Why do you think family gatherings are important? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-15 3
115613 What is your birthday wish this year? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-15 309

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ Ķ¸°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öÆ° Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽŠ±ÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î ÇÏ°í ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04