¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think should the government do about homeless people?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2022-01-10 140

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

There are a lot of advantages about Capitalism, but there are also some disadvantages.
Capitalism is one of the fair ideas, but some people might be the poor.
The problem is, those poor people are hard to get a chance to succeed.
So there can be some homeless people and other poor people.
And the most important thing for them is education.
If we don't know how to earn money, we can't earn money.
And those poor people don't know how to earn money and the basic knowledge that can be useful in the lives.
So I think the government has to educate those poor people so there can be no any homeless people.
(Actually, in South Korea, I've never seen those homeless people.)

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:) 

This is true. Knowledge is something that no one can steal from you so you need to attain it in order to survive. This can be one of the best solutions for survival. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon. 

There are a lot of advantages about Capitalism, but there are also some disadvantages.
>>There are a lot of advantages about capitalism, but there are also some disadvantages.

Capitalism is one of the fair ideas, but some people might be the poor.
>> Capitalism is one of the fair ideas in the world, but it can make some people poor. 

The problem is, those poor people are hard to get a chance to succeed.
>> The problem is that poor people can have a hard time to succeed. 

So there can be some homeless people and other poor people.
>>Resulting many homeless and poor people. 

And the most important thing for them is education.
>> The most important thing for them is education. 

If we don't know how to earn money, we can't earn money.
>> If we don't know how to earn money then we can't earn money.

And those poor people don't know how to earn money and the basic knowledge that can be useful in the lives.
>> For those poor people who don't know how to earn money, basic knowledge ca be very useful in their lives. 

So I think the government has to educate those poor people so there can be no any homeless people.
>> So I think the government has to educate those poor people so there won't be any homeless people anymore. 

(Actually, in South Korea, I've never seen those homeless people.)
>> Actually, I've never seen homeless people in South Korea. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115071 the most interesting city in my country ¿ì*¿í ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 4
115070 Thousands of bank jobs lost to digitalization À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 1
115069 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 2
115068 rights ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 334
115067 Do you think that Christmas should be an important holiday in... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2021-12-28 1348
115066 Do we have to support strong friends? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 185
115065 HOMEWORK: Describe the best holiday ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 374
115064 What animal best represents you? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 108
115063 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 135
115062 What job would you never want to try? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 1
115061 What is your favorite time of the year? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 0
115060 My thinking ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 2
115059 How did you plan your time with your parents? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 0
115058 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 1
115057 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 381
115056 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 0
115055 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 300
115054 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 539
115053 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 1
115052 I will expect!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-12-27 246

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04