¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What do you think should the government do about homeless people?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Ȳ*º°
2022-01-08 726

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

About homeless people which have a reason, the government should support them. It can make a law. And basically, it should provide something to eat. Finally, it can make environment which they can work. If  it does its best to do these, clearly, they will be able to live in the better society. I hope the society which we can live together. To make dreams come true, people and government should make effort together.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Kimberly:) 

This is a good idea. Maybe this can be a great impact for them to get back on their feet and make their lives better. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

About homeless people which have a reason, the government should support them. 
>> For homeless people who have valid reasons, the government should support them. 

It can make a law. 
>> They can make a law regarding this. 

And basically, it should provide something to eat. 
>> Basically, they should provide something for them to eat. 

Finally, it can make environment which they can work. 
>> Finally, they should make places where they can work. 

If  it does its best to do these, clearly, they will be able to live in the better society. 
>> If it's the best to do these things, clearly, they will be able to live in the society better. 

I hope the society which we can live together. 
>> I hope for a society which everyone can live together peacefully. 

To make dreams come true, people and government should make effort together
>> To make dreams come true, people and the government should make efforts together.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115294 Music can make people to one ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 258
115293 What is your favorite Korean traditional game? Explain how this... Ȳ*º° ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 1774
115292 What new thing would you like to try this years? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 687
115291 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 163
115290 How do you value friendship? Explain your answer in as much... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 220
115289 writing3 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 952
115288 writing2 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 325
115287 Wring1 ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 193
115286 What is the best way for a country to bring in more tourists? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 569
115285 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 338
115284 Would you rather live alone or with other people? Why? º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 1014
115283 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 467
115282 Homework ÀÌ*¼± ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 1
115281 Nosy and Concerned ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 2
115280 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 0
115279 My strengths ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 408
115278 Something Successful ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 147
115277 Do you think a mother is a better \"stay-at-home parent\" than a... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 1
115276 How are penguins different from other birds? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 1
115275 If you can invent something, what would it be? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-05 2771

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04