¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the possible causes for having a vice?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*°æ
2021-12-21 1299

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Biting a nail is one of vices. But if it helps him calm down and focus on the important moment, it could be a cause of having a vice. Of course, He usually doesn't bite a nail. Only when he gets nervous or stresses out, he does his vice to relieve his stress.

There are more unconscious behavior to calm donw and help somebody to concentrate on his or her work such as pen spinning.
For me, pen spinning used to be one of my unconscious hehavior in my school days. I don't know where to learn this, and when to start this, but this behavior appeared involuntarily whenever I focused on somethiing. But not anymore.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Steve! I'm afraid your paragraph needs better construction. Please work more on sentence construction.

- Debbie


Biting a nail is one of vices.
>> Biting nails is one of the vices.

 But if it helps him calm down and focus on the important moment, it could be a cause of having a vice. 
>> If  it helps someone calm down and focus on important things, it could be a problem. It could turn into a vice.

Of course, He usually doesn't bite a nail. 
>> Of course, he doesn't usually bite his nails.

Only when he gets nervous or stresses out, he does his vice to relieve his stress.
>> He only does this when he gets nervous or stressed out to relieve his stress. 

There are more unconscious behavior to calm donw and help somebody to concentrate on his or her work such as pen spinning.
>> There are more unconscious behavior that makes somebody calm and help him/her concentrate on his/her work such as pen spinning.

For me, pen spinning used to be one of my unconscious hehavior in my school days. 
>> I used to do it in my school days.

I don't know where to learn this, and when to start this, but this behavior appeared involuntarily whenever I focused on somethiing. 
>> I don't know where I learned this and when I started this, but this behavior appeared whenever I focused on something

But not anymore.
>> Fortunately, I don't do this anymore.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114809 What are the advantages of owning a car? How about the... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 1
114808 homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 4
114807 About alternative energy ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 3
114806 Do you wish to go back to your student days? What do you miss... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 225
114805 Homework Ȳ*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 134
114804 homework Ȳ*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 148
114803 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 1
114802 Have you had any bad travel experiences? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 1
114801 Write about your greatest achievement. ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 122
114800 If you could change one thing about your current house to make... ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 112
114799 video conference ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 98
114798 Do you choose your friends? Why or why not? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 0
114797 what are the things you need to prepare for a trip? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 2
114796 what I do when I have a stomachache ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 139
114795 What is your biggest regret in your life and why? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 0
114794 Are you good at giving advice? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 91
114793 What will be your New Year\'s Resolution this coming new year? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 599
114792 What is your favorite physical characteristic? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 0
114791 My dream vacation ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 186
114790 How will you organize all that you need to do before Dec.17? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-16 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04