¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Apartment is better to live

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-12-17 95

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I prefer apartment in countryside to just house. It's because apartment's facility is better than common house's. First, in summer it's very hot and in winter it's very cold in common houses. I hate both hot and cold. So I want to live in, 'cool and warm home'. It is apartment. Second, usual house is smaller than apartment. Big house is very expensive, so I think apartment is proper to live. Third, it can be more safe than house. In the case of apartment, thief can't get into by windows because it is too tall. In conclusion, I think apartment is better to live than house.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! Thank you so much for your effort.  However,  your sentences need to be more organized. Keep on practicing! 

- Teacher Debbie

I prefer apartment in countryside to just house.
>> I prefer an apartment in the countryside to a house.

It's because apartment's facility is better than common house's.
>> It's because an apartment's facility is better than a house.

First, in summer it's very hot and in winter it's very cold in common houses. 
>> A house can be very hot in summer and very cold in winter.

I hate both hot and cold. So I want to live in, 'cool and warm home'.
>> I hate both hot and cold, so I want to live in a "cool and warm home."

 It is apartment. 
>> It is an apartment.

Second, usual house is smaller than apartment. 
>> In addition, a house is usually smaller than an apartment.

Big house is very expensive, so I think apartment is proper to live. 
>> Big houses are very expensive, so I think it's better to live in apartments.

Third, it can be more safe than house. 
>> Apartments are safer than houses.

In the case of apartment, thief can't get into by windows because it is too tall. 
>>  Thieves can't go through the windows of the apartments because they are too high.

In conclusion, I think apartment is better to live than house.
>> In conclusion, I think it's better to live in an apartment than in a house.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114856 What do you like watching with your family and friends? Tell me... ±Ý*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 88
114855 What is mannerism? Do you have mannerisms that you wanted to get... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1209
114854 fruits ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 156
114853 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1
114852 stress ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1068
114851 What\'s the best thing about having a family? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1
114850 What was your best travel experience so far? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-20 1
114849 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-19 133
114848 How do you avoid a person whom you do not wish to speak with? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-19 3
114847 What is the worst natural disaster for you? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-19 3
114846 Having a goal in life is effective in becoming successful. ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-19 0
114845 12.17 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-19 1
114844 What do you think should the government of South Korea do with... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-19 0
114843 Education:Necessary,but not Everything ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-18 307
114842 What sport ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-18 2
114841 I like that!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 420
114840 Apartment is better to live ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 95
114839 What music is not very pleasant for you? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 2
114838 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 154
114837 What are some of the ill effects of poor sleep? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-17 499

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04