¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nap have to be moderate.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-12-14 120

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In my opinion, taking nap too much time can be problem, but moderate nap can be good for us. Taking too much time nap means, take nap excess 30 minutes. After taking nap, our body will reduce sleeping time in the night. Then, it can cause problem. if we take too much time nap, then our body will reduce lots of our sleeping time. Children grow a lot we they sleep in the night. However, nap doesn't affect a lot to growing. It says if children take lots of nap, then they can't grow as nap time. In conclusion, we have to take moderate nap when we are so tired.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel! Thank you for answering your homework. However, you have to be careful with word usage and sentence construction. Please take note of the corrections.  

- Teacher Debbie

In my opinion, taking nap too much time can be problem, but moderate nap can be good for us.
>> In my opinion, taking long naps can be a problem, but short naps can be good for us.

Taking too much time nap means, take nap excess 30 minutes.
>> A long nap is longer than 30 minutes.

 After taking nap, our body will reduce sleeping time in the night. 
>>  This reduces our sleeping time at night. 

Then, it can cause problem. 
>> Therefore, it can cause problems.

if we take too much time nap, then our body will reduce lots of our sleeping time. Children grow a lot we they sleep in the night. 
>> If we take long naps, our body shortens our nighttime sleep, and children grow a lot when they sleep at night. 
 
However, nap doesn't affect a lot to growing. 
>> Taking naps doesn't affect their growth much.

It says if children take lots of nap, then they can't grow as nap time.
>> People say if children take lots of naps, they can't grow much.

 In conclusion, we have to take moderate nap when we are so tired.
>>  In conclusion, we only have to take short naps when we are so tired.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114633 What makes you uncomfortable in the work setting? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 778
114632 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 1
114631 I Wold Rather Choose Me ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 808
114630 What are the most important things your parents taught you? ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-11 242
114629 IT was fun day!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 544
114628 The temple+(discussion of vaccine) ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 126
114627 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 538
114626 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 131
114625 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 134
114624 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 1
114623 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 226
114622 Reply to your answer ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 243
114621 HOMEWORK °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 1
114620 Homework {12/10} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 96
114619 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 88
114618 What are the best and worst things about the convenience store... ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 122
114617 What would you like to change in the education system in South... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 71
114616 If you could stop time, what would you do and why? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 0
114615 Friday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 90
114614 ¿µ¾îÀϱ⠹®¹ý ¿À·ù±³Á¤ ¹× ´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥ÇöÀ¸·Î ±³Á¤... ÇÏ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-10 8

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04