¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What would you like to change in the education system in South Korea and why?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-12-10 69

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I want to change the system of having less P.E class and other special classes.
There are a lot of things that students must learn.
But in South Korea, most people emphasize only the subjects such as math, science, and English.
But there are so many things to learn more.
Teaching about other things about the world is also important as learning about math, science, and English.
So I want to change the system that having less special classes.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:) 

This is true. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

I want to change the system of having less P.E class and other special classes.
>> CORRECT

There are a lot of things that students must learn.
>> CORRECT

But in South Korea, most people emphasize only the subjects such as math, science, and English.
>> But in South Korea, most people emphasize only on subjects such as Math, Science, and English.

But there are so many things to learn more.
>> CORRECT

Teaching about other things about the world is also important as learning about math, science, and English.
>> CORRECT

So I want to change the system that having less special classes.
>> So I want to change the system about having less special classes.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114593 Plastic is vital for us ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 114
114592 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 284
114591 How many hours do you sleep? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 263
114590 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 578
114589 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114588 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 114
114587 Where do you want to travel next time? ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 109
114586 Do you think that TV makes people lazy? ¼Õ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 336
114585 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 262
114584 What\'s the most expensive and most beautiful painting you have... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114583 Are birthdays really important? Why or why not? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 445
114582 Which habit do you think is the most important for parents to... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 101
114581 Which habit do you think is the most important for parents to... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 1
114580 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 400
114579 homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114578 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114577 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 2
114576 Question °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 0
114575 12/8 ³ë*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 159
114574 Establishment ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-09 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04