¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I believe god

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2021-12-06 417

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I remember last class I told you my church history....
I don't like church people and don't know about it's right express.
My honesty mind is can't believe church worker.
But I have seen very bad big criminal connect with my church main pastor.
And then I can't believe church people and I have very strong prejudice.
But I believe god alive with us every where.
I don't like only church, I love god and trust
and believe and good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann:) 

Me too. I think that there are some pastors that are really bad. But the important thing is that we have a very strong faith with God. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

I remember last class I told you my church history....
>> 
I remember that I told you about my religion history on our last class. 

I don't like church people and don't know about it's right express.
>> I don't like church people and don't know whether what they are saying are right.

My honesty mind is can't believe church worker.
>> My honest mind doesn't believe in church workers. 

But I have seen very bad big criminal connect with my church main pastor.
>> I have see a criminal connect with the church's main pastor. 

And then I can't believe church people and I have very strong prejudice.
>> After that, I can't believe how these people can actually do that so I have a very strong prejudice. 

But I believe god alive with us every where.
>> But I believe that  God is with us everyday. 

I don't like only church, I love god and trust and believe and good.
>> I don't like going to church but I love God. I trust and believe in Him. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113953 11.17 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 1
113952 Both countries can\'t be friends ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 473
113951 How would you act when you are in a job interview? ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 0
113950 Waiting ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 497
113949 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 174
113948 What do you do it there are challenges in meeting your goals? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 1
113947 my opinion about religine. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 133
113946 the leading cause of suicide in Korea °­* ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 193
113945 Symptoms ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 2
113944 About my family.. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 245
113943 vaccines for 12-17 years old students. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 183
113942 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 288
113941 What do you do on people¡¯s birthdays in your country that you... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 1
113940 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 0
113939 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 0
113938 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 1
113937 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 128
113936 Homework {11/17} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 547
113935 What are the common crimes committed in South Korea and how do... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 179
113934 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-17 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04