¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

I believe god

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*Àº
2021-12-06 382

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I remember last class I told you my church history....
I don't like church people and don't know about it's right express.
My honesty mind is can't believe church worker.
But I have seen very bad big criminal connect with my church main pastor.
And then I can't believe church people and I have very strong prejudice.
But I believe god alive with us every where.
I don't like only church, I love god and trust
and believe and good.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Ann:) 

Me too. I think that there are some pastors that are really bad. But the important thing is that we have a very strong faith with God. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

I remember last class I told you my church history....
>> 
I remember that I told you about my religion history on our last class. 

I don't like church people and don't know about it's right express.
>> I don't like church people and don't know whether what they are saying are right.

My honesty mind is can't believe church worker.
>> My honest mind doesn't believe in church workers. 

But I have seen very bad big criminal connect with my church main pastor.
>> I have see a criminal connect with the church's main pastor. 

And then I can't believe church people and I have very strong prejudice.
>> After that, I can't believe how these people can actually do that so I have a very strong prejudice. 

But I believe god alive with us every where.
>> But I believe that  God is with us everyday. 

I don't like only church, I love god and trust and believe and good.
>> I don't like going to church but I love God. I trust and believe in Him. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114503 What is more important to take care of : mental health or... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 157
114502 Why do adults collect children\'s stuff like hello kitty or some... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 136
114501 What do you like to shop for the most? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 0
114500 Sometimes:) ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 108
114499 How would you describe a healthy diet? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-07 2
114498 12.06 homework ÀÓ*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 0
114497 I like him!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 120
114496 essay about\"If you could be invisible for a day what would you... ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 116
114495 I want to travel if I have a lot of money. ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 127
114494 What are the elements of a perfect vacation? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 3
114493 Who makes you laugh? ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 629
114492 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 2
114491 after 5 years. ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 86
114490 I believe god ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 382
114489 Homework ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 93
114488 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1286
114487 What are some countries that you would never visit? ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 371
114486 Do you believe in lucky charms? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 1
114485 Do you believe in God? Why or why not? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 0
114484 which season is the most beautiful? ¹Ú*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-06 97

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04