¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you believe in God? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-12-06 482

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

As a result, I believe in God.
People made religions because they thought that someone may made this world.
But it is just one of the fixed minds because people's logics are limited.
They can't explain the creation of the world without the mind.
So they thought that somebody may made this world.
Before, I didn't knew about this fact so I just believed in God.
But I thought about my religion, and it caused the curiosity about my religion.
So sometimes, I doubted about my religion.
But now, I recognized that believing is more important than knowing the fact.
All what I have to do is just believe, and if I am having a hard time, depend on my trust.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Evan:) 

Yes, that's true. We just need to have faith and believe. 
Thank you for making an effort in answering your first homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

-Teacher Elise

As a result, I believe in God.
>> I believe in God. 

People made religions because they thought that someone may made this world.
>> People made religions because they thought that someone made this world.

But it is just one of the fixed minds because people's logics are limited.
>> But it's just the product of logics of people's minds. 

They can't explain the creation of the world without the mind.
>> They don't know the explanation whether how the world was created. 

So they thought that somebody may made this world.
>> So they thought that somebody may have made this world.

Before, I didn't knew about this fact so I just believed in God.
>> CORRECT

But I thought about my religion, and it caused the curiosity about my religion.
But I was thinking about my religion, and made me curious.

So sometimes, I doubted about my religion.
>> CORRECT

But now, I recognized that believing is more important than knowing the fact.
>> CORRECT

All what I have to do is just believe, and if I am having a hard time, depend on my trust.
>> All I have to do it just believe even if I have a hard time. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114338 Cool ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 87
114337 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114336 Why ±è*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 234
114335 2021 is almost over~ ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 628
114334 Celeb Alcohol Ads Fuel Un derage Drinking À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114333 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114332 Dog meat consumption to be put to test À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114331 underage ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 147
114330 What are your long-term plans? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 0
114329 My sitation ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 151
114328 Homework ¹Ú*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114327 my job ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 1
114326 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 144
114325 Moon man next story À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 236
114324 What do you and your family usually do during Christmas? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 125
114323 Have you ever dreamt about something that later came true? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 153
114322 What is good about renting something? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 0
114321 who\'s the biggest art fan you know? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-01 8
114320 When are secrets a good thing? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-30 709
114319 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-30 82

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04