¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

TALK ABOUT YOUR CITY AND WHY IT IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO VISIT.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼º*¿µ
2021-12-05 461

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My city is Daegu in Korea. There are many things I would like to say my city. I will say these three things. First, Daegu has convenient transformation. There are subway of three line and many bus not as well as Seoul. That's why It is very nice to live. Second, Daegu surrounded mountain. So It's safe for natural disasters. For instance, it is not flooding in summer. Additionally, we can enjoy beautiful view at top of mountain. Especially, The tall tower named e-tower is very beautiful at night. That's because It is a beautiful place to visit. I recommend this place to people who visit our city. Third, There is 'Dong sung Road', the center of city. We can enjoy various performance in this road. It's my favorite place. So I visit three times a week. Gym where I go to is there too. Beacause of these reason, I think Daegu is beautiful place and nice to live.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Sally!

Thank you for sharing about it!

~T. Roanne ^_^

=============================================
Corrections and Suggestions:

My city is Daegu in Korea. 
>> My City is in Daegu, Korea.
There are many things I would like to say my city. 
>> There are many things I would like to say about my city. 
I will say these three things. First, Daegu has convenient transformation. 
>> Correct!
There are subway of three line and many bus not as well as Seoul. 
>> There are subways with three line routes and many buses compared to Seoul. 
That's why It is very nice to live. Second, Daegu surrounded mountain. So It's safe for natural disasters. 
>> That's why It is very nice to live. Second, Daegu is surrounded by mountain. So, It's safe from natural disasters. 
For instance, it is not flooding in summer. 
>> Correct! 
Additionally, we can enjoy beautiful view at top of mountain. 
>> Additionally, we can enjoy the beautiful view at the top of mountain.
Especially, The tall tower named e-tower is very beautiful at night. 
>> Correct!
That's because It is a beautiful place to visit. I recommend this place to people who visit our city.
>> Correct!
Third, There is 'Dong sung Road', the center of city. We can enjoy various performance in this road.
>> Third, There is 'Dong sung Road', the center of the city. We can enjoy various performances on this road
It's my favorite place. So I visit three times a week. Gym where I go to is there too. 
>> It's my favorite place. So I visit three times a week. The gym where I go to is there too. 
Beacause of these reason, I think Daegu is beautiful place and nice to live.
>> Because of these reasons, I think Daegu is a beautiful place and nice to live.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114159 My job 2 ¹Ú*¸í ¿Ï·á 2021-11-25 2
114158 Do you believe in fortune-telling? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-25 1
114157 Koreans Most Materialistic in Global Survey À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-25 1
114156 Do you always consider others\' opinion when making a decision? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-11-25 2
114155 who\'s the most confident person you know? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-25 7
114154 What do you love about shopping? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-25 0
114153 Which is harder, to accept something or reject it? Share your... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 95
114152 ................ ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 133
114151 English ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 136
114150 Using English! ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 953
114149 Homework ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 143
114148 What is the busiest holiday in your country? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 2
114147 essay about \"what animal do I like\" ±è*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 158
114146 Street signs. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 2
114145 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 378
114144 Homework ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 222
114143 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 139
114142 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 0
114141 Disney Plus subscribers complain about low-quality subtitles À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 1
114140 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-11-24 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04