¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

TALK ABOUT YOUR CITY AND WHY IT IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO VISIT.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼º*¿µ
2021-12-05 457

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My city is Daegu in Korea. There are many things I would like to say my city. I will say these three things. First, Daegu has convenient transformation. There are subway of three line and many bus not as well as Seoul. That's why It is very nice to live. Second, Daegu surrounded mountain. So It's safe for natural disasters. For instance, it is not flooding in summer. Additionally, we can enjoy beautiful view at top of mountain. Especially, The tall tower named e-tower is very beautiful at night. That's because It is a beautiful place to visit. I recommend this place to people who visit our city. Third, There is 'Dong sung Road', the center of city. We can enjoy various performance in this road. It's my favorite place. So I visit three times a week. Gym where I go to is there too. Beacause of these reason, I think Daegu is beautiful place and nice to live.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Sally!

Thank you for sharing about it!

~T. Roanne ^_^

=============================================
Corrections and Suggestions:

My city is Daegu in Korea. 
>> My City is in Daegu, Korea.
There are many things I would like to say my city. 
>> There are many things I would like to say about my city. 
I will say these three things. First, Daegu has convenient transformation. 
>> Correct!
There are subway of three line and many bus not as well as Seoul. 
>> There are subways with three line routes and many buses compared to Seoul. 
That's why It is very nice to live. Second, Daegu surrounded mountain. So It's safe for natural disasters. 
>> That's why It is very nice to live. Second, Daegu is surrounded by mountain. So, It's safe from natural disasters. 
For instance, it is not flooding in summer. 
>> Correct! 
Additionally, we can enjoy beautiful view at top of mountain. 
>> Additionally, we can enjoy the beautiful view at the top of mountain.
Especially, The tall tower named e-tower is very beautiful at night. 
>> Correct!
That's because It is a beautiful place to visit. I recommend this place to people who visit our city.
>> Correct!
Third, There is 'Dong sung Road', the center of city. We can enjoy various performance in this road.
>> Third, There is 'Dong sung Road', the center of the city. We can enjoy various performances on this road
It's my favorite place. So I visit three times a week. Gym where I go to is there too. 
>> It's my favorite place. So I visit three times a week. The gym where I go to is there too. 
Beacause of these reason, I think Daegu is beautiful place and nice to live.
>> Because of these reasons, I think Daegu is a beautiful place and nice to live.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114217 How will computers change in the future? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-27 89
114216 What do you think very old people think of modern technology? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-27 138
114215 What is your ideal job? Why? ÀÌ*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-27 236
114214 Do you watch commercials or skip them? Answer in a few sentences. ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-27 107
114213 Argument ÃÖ*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 511
114212 I bought a new smart phone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 95
114211 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 110
114210 ÈÞ°­°ü·Ã Á¤*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 132
114209 Customer realtionship ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 110
114208 Homework ¹Ú*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 0
114207 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 106
114206 If you were going to be a teacher, where would you like to teach? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 3
114205 I think Seoul is the best city in Korea. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 97
114204 The meaning of Having children to me. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 128
114203 food recommendation for foreigners. ¹Ú*Çù ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 509
114202 What are the things that you love to buy? Explain why. ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 0
114201 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 95
114200 email related to my work ÃÖ*¿µ ÁøÇàÁß 2021-11-26 1
114199 Blue Whale 🐳 ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 91
114198 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-26 110

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04