¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

TALK ABOUT YOUR CITY AND WHY IT IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO VISIT.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼º*¿µ
2021-12-05 443

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My city is Daegu in Korea. There are many things I would like to say my city. I will say these three things. First, Daegu has convenient transformation. There are subway of three line and many bus not as well as Seoul. That's why It is very nice to live. Second, Daegu surrounded mountain. So It's safe for natural disasters. For instance, it is not flooding in summer. Additionally, we can enjoy beautiful view at top of mountain. Especially, The tall tower named e-tower is very beautiful at night. That's because It is a beautiful place to visit. I recommend this place to people who visit our city. Third, There is 'Dong sung Road', the center of city. We can enjoy various performance in this road. It's my favorite place. So I visit three times a week. Gym where I go to is there too. Beacause of these reason, I think Daegu is beautiful place and nice to live.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Sally!

Thank you for sharing about it!

~T. Roanne ^_^

=============================================
Corrections and Suggestions:

My city is Daegu in Korea. 
>> My City is in Daegu, Korea.
There are many things I would like to say my city. 
>> There are many things I would like to say about my city. 
I will say these three things. First, Daegu has convenient transformation. 
>> Correct!
There are subway of three line and many bus not as well as Seoul. 
>> There are subways with three line routes and many buses compared to Seoul. 
That's why It is very nice to live. Second, Daegu surrounded mountain. So It's safe for natural disasters. 
>> That's why It is very nice to live. Second, Daegu is surrounded by mountain. So, It's safe from natural disasters. 
For instance, it is not flooding in summer. 
>> Correct! 
Additionally, we can enjoy beautiful view at top of mountain. 
>> Additionally, we can enjoy the beautiful view at the top of mountain.
Especially, The tall tower named e-tower is very beautiful at night. 
>> Correct!
That's because It is a beautiful place to visit. I recommend this place to people who visit our city.
>> Correct!
Third, There is 'Dong sung Road', the center of city. We can enjoy various performance in this road.
>> Third, There is 'Dong sung Road', the center of the city. We can enjoy various performances on this road
It's my favorite place. So I visit three times a week. Gym where I go to is there too. 
>> It's my favorite place. So I visit three times a week. The gym where I go to is there too. 
Beacause of these reason, I think Daegu is beautiful place and nice to live.
>> Because of these reasons, I think Daegu is a beautiful place and nice to live.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114453 Essy2 ¹Ú*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 1
114452 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 99
114451 Ending my day. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 1
114450 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 131
114449 The country I will never visit:Afghanistan ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 100
114448 Do you make a wish when you see a falling star? Why or why not? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 1
114447 What aspect of your health do you want to improve on? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 1
114446 Do you agree or disagree, \"Children should always obey their... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 1
114445 Describe a time when your work was criticized? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 144
114444 How do you control your emotions in you profession? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 1
114443 Who is your favorite BTS member? ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 2
114442 Why is our company interesting to you? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 131
114441 TALK ABOUT YOUR CITY AND WHY IT IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE TO VISIT. ¼º*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 443
114440 What¡¯s the biggest lesson you¡¯ve learned from a mistake... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 404
114439 If you could have one superpower, what would it be? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 146
114438 Annual lantern festival lights up downtown Seoul À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 0
114437 What is your first impression of your teacher? Answer in a few... ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-05 183
114436 What are the different methods of advertising? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-04 5
114435 Is restaurant food better than home-cooked food? Why do you say... ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-04 594
114434 Is there a food that you will never eat? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-04 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04