¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Birth day is my special day.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-12-01 557

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My special day is my birth day. My birth day is like anniversary about me. At that time, I had been always happy because there were people that celebrated my birth. It means they love me. I can depend on people who love me. Then, I feel comfortable just people who love me are exist. However, if the people who celebrate my birth day are not exist, it means there are no people who love me, so I will be very sad. Therefore, I always have to thank for God just that people are exist.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Daniel!  Your homework is well-organized and easy to understand. Good job! However, remember to use pronouns to replace nouns in your sentences.

I am glad that you appreciate the people who love you and that you are thankful for them.

- Teacher Debbie


My special day is my birth day. 
>> My special day is my birthday.

My birth day is like anniversary about me.
>> It is like my anniversary.

 At that time, I had been always happy because there were people that celebrated my birth. 
>> During that time, I am always happy because there are people who celebrate it with me.

It means they love me. 
>> This is a good sentence.

I can depend on people who love me.
>> This is a good sentence.

Then, I feel comfortable just people who love me are exist. 
>> I am thankful that they exist.

However, if the people who celebrate my birth day are not exist, it means there are no people who love me, so I will be very sad. 
>> If they didn't, nobody could love me, and I would be very sad.

Therefore, I always have to thank for God just that people are exist.
>> Therefore, I always have to thank God for them.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
115163 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 252
115162 Does art imitate life? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 1
115161 Why do you think people started living in cities? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 104
115160 If you had a long holiday, what will you do with it? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 1
115159 slowly/fast ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2022-01-02 0
115158 i want to know what you said º¯*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2022-01-01 192
115157 My homework~~^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 152
115156 I\'m doing my homework. ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 394
115155 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 317
115154 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 577
115153 homework À±*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 133
115152 Over 1/3 households consist of just 1 person À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 1
115151 I\'m doing my homework^^ ¹Ú*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 108
115150 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 1
115149 do you like meeting new people ¿ì*¿í ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 124
115148 When do you prefer having a family? À±*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2021-12-31 1
115147 Floor heating system. ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 198
115146 What kind of things would you need in order to survive in... À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 1
115145 My comfort food ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 133
115144 Very simple ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-12-30 126

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04