¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

As we grow older, we need to have more time for recreation and sleep.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¼±*
2021-11-24 142

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I totally agree with it because we need to spend more time rebooting ourselves as we grow older. Our body functions are also getting older, so we need to fix them or give them more time to recover every day. To do so, what can we do? I think we have to save more time of the day for enjoying. To enjoy life, we don¡¯t need to focus on sleeping or recreation because individuals have different tastes to recreate themselves. Some can enjoy painting, studying, reading, exercising, volunteering, or religious life, etc. We need to find what makes us happy, or what I would like to do the most right now. Though our speed to catch up with our hopes or our dreams is not that as fast as younger generations, we can accomplish them according to our speed. However, whenever we are stressed out from doing something, we stop at the moment and take a rest without doing anything. Sometimes nothing doing can mean the best way to rebuild me and cheer me up. Life is not that short.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Sun Jung! Thank you for taking the time to share this. You were able to use good expressions. Excellent! 

Please take note of the corrections. 

- Debbie


I totally agree with it because we need to spend more time rebooting ourselves as we grow older.
>> I agree with it because we need to spend more time rebooting ourselves as we grow older. 

Our body functions are also getting older, so we need to fix them or give them more time to recover every day. 
>> This is a good sentence.

To do so, what can we do? 
>> This is a good sentence.

I think we have to save more time of the day for enjoying.
>> I think we have to spend more time enjoying ourselves.

 To enjoy life, we don¡¯t need to focus on sleeping or recreation because individuals have different tastes to recreate themselves.
>>  To enjoy life, we don¡¯t just need to focus on sleeping or recreation because individuals have different tastes to recreate themselves.

 Some can enjoy painting, studying, reading, exercising, volunteering, or religious life, etc. 
>>  Some can enjoy painting, studying, reading, exercising, volunteering, worshipping, etc. 

We need to find what makes us happy, or what I would like to do the most right now. 
>> We need to find what makes us happy or what we would like to do the most right now. 

Though our speed to catch up with our hopes or our dreams is not that as fast as younger generations, we can accomplish them according to our speed.
>> Though our speed to catch up with our hopes or dreams is not as fast as the younger generation's, we can accomplish them according to our pace.

 However, whenever we are stressed out from doing something, we stop at the moment and take a rest without doing anything.
>> However, whenever we are stressed out from doing something, we need stop for a moment and take a rest.

 Sometimes nothing doing can mean the best way to rebuild me and cheer me up.
>> Sometimes doing nothing can be the best way to rebuild and cheer ourselves up.

 Life is not that short.
>> This is a good sentence.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114250 How do you think you will change in the future? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 135
114249 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 82
114248 choose the correct tense of the verb ÀÌ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 123
114247 My experience ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 3
114246 Which is always the best part of your day? ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 122
114245 Are you a \"night owl\" or an \"early bird\"? Why? ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 128
114244 Sad ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 300
114243 favorite Movie ±è*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 102
114242 1129 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 2
114241 1129 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 107
114240 If selected for this position, can you describe your strategy... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 300
114239 What do you think of men wearing lipstick,mascara, and... ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-29 0
114238 hi, teacher. Á¶*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-28 128
114237 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-28 0
114236 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-28 0
114235 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-28 0
114234 ¿µÀÛ ¼÷Á¦ ÀÌ*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-28 0
114233 What characteristics should a good ambassador have? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-28 2
114232 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-28 100
114231 What is the most effective way to save endangered species? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-28 127

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04