¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the common crimes committed in South Korea and how do you think should it be lessened?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-11-17 175

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In schools, I think there are many cyber bullyings and cyber bullying is the most common crime in South Korea.
First, a lot of people don't know that they are doing cyber bullying or not.
Even some people don't know that cyber bullying is crime.
So nowadays, many students are experiencing cyber bullyings and they feel painful.
Also a lot of celebrities are getting pain because of some bad comments about them.
It is very serious crime but we can't find them and it is hard to judge them so I think it is the worst.
I think cyber bullyings are the most common crime nowadays, and we have to be careful in cyber world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Yes, that's true. Cyberbullying is a very serious crime that. Everyone can be a victim so we have to be vigilant about it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In schools, I think there are many cyber bullyings and cyber bullying is the most common crime in South Korea.
> >In schools, I think there are many cyber bullying cases. It is a common crime in South Korea. 

First, a lot of people don't know that they are doing cyber bullying or not.
>> First, a lot of people don't know if they are committing cyber bullying or not.

Even some people don't know that cyber bullying is crime.
>> CORRECT

So nowadays, many students are experiencing cyber bullyings and they feel painful.
>> So nowadays, many students are experiencing this and get hurt a lot. 

Also a lot of celebrities are getting pain because of some bad comments about them.
>> Also, a lot of celebrities are getting hurt because of some bad comments about them.

It is very serious crime but we can't find them and it is hard to judge them so I think it is the worst.
>> It is a very serious crime but we can't find who they are and it is take actions about it, which makes it worst. 

I think cyber bullyings are the most common crime nowadays, and we have to be careful in cyber world.
>> I think cyber bullying is one of the most common crime nowadays, and we have to be careful about it. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113734 What will you do this weekend? ¾È*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 136
113733 If you were a song, what song would you be and why? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 4
113732 Respect ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 112
113731 Does Korea have a very good transportation system? ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 383
113730 Homework. ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 127
113729 Why I like basketball ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 575
113728 What I do in winter ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 135
113727 Howework ±Ç*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 176
113726 What are your own small ways to reduce air pollution? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 635
113725 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 118
113724 What would you do if most of your frieds couldn\'t make it to a... ¾ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 1
113723 Today\'s homework Ȳ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 118
113722 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 1
113721 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 2
113720 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 1
113719 low-paying jobs ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 157
113718 Are all cheap items bad in quality? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-10 2
113717 Please describe your hometown. ye*nhi ¿Ï·á 2021-11-09 167
113716 Homework ¹é*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-09 134
113715 Essay ÀÌ*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-09 627

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04