¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are the common crimes committed in South Korea and how do you think should it be lessened?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-11-17 169

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

In schools, I think there are many cyber bullyings and cyber bullying is the most common crime in South Korea.
First, a lot of people don't know that they are doing cyber bullying or not.
Even some people don't know that cyber bullying is crime.
So nowadays, many students are experiencing cyber bullyings and they feel painful.
Also a lot of celebrities are getting pain because of some bad comments about them.
It is very serious crime but we can't find them and it is hard to judge them so I think it is the worst.
I think cyber bullyings are the most common crime nowadays, and we have to be careful in cyber world.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Yes, that's true. Cyberbullying is a very serious crime that. Everyone can be a victim so we have to be vigilant about it. 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

In schools, I think there are many cyber bullyings and cyber bullying is the most common crime in South Korea.
> >In schools, I think there are many cyber bullying cases. It is a common crime in South Korea. 

First, a lot of people don't know that they are doing cyber bullying or not.
>> First, a lot of people don't know if they are committing cyber bullying or not.

Even some people don't know that cyber bullying is crime.
>> CORRECT

So nowadays, many students are experiencing cyber bullyings and they feel painful.
>> So nowadays, many students are experiencing this and get hurt a lot. 

Also a lot of celebrities are getting pain because of some bad comments about them.
>> Also, a lot of celebrities are getting hurt because of some bad comments about them.

It is very serious crime but we can't find them and it is hard to judge them so I think it is the worst.
>> It is a very serious crime but we can't find who they are and it is take actions about it, which makes it worst. 

I think cyber bullyings are the most common crime nowadays, and we have to be careful in cyber world.
>> I think cyber bullying is one of the most common crime nowadays, and we have to be careful about it. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
114076 My situation. ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 522
114075 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 193
114074 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 142
114073 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 0
114072 Homework {11/22} Â÷*ºó ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 178
114071 What is the most time-consuming thing you do in your life? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 2
114070 Around me ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114069 What is your proudest accomplishment so far this year? ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 153
114068 When is drinking alcohol a vice? ÀÌ*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 4
114067 Monday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 370
114066 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 264
114065 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 183
114064 What is your most important goal next week? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 384
114063 My school homework ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1246
114062 Especially, It has two questions today~~ ½Å*¼· ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 132
114061 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114060 What is your proudest accomplishment so far this year? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114059 Do you think things will go back to the way they used to before... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 0
114058 Nonregular jobs incerase faster in 5 major cities À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1
114057 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-11-22 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04