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Do you agree that money makes the world go around?

작성자: 박*협
2021-10-29 353

회원님의 영작문

Do you agree that money makes the world go around?
I think this is a very difficult question.
I don't know, but I think money makes everything and moves.
Narrowly speaking, people with money hire people who want to make money to work.
Broadly speaking, I think countries with money can help poor countries with no money, or maybe adjust their countries.
There is saying ,money is power.
Companies with money are making money by making goods with money and making money by making weapons of the country.
In the Middle East, oil is mined and shake the global economy.
Apple and Samsung make their products.
People around the world can use theirs.
These days, virtual money such as bit-coin shakes people around the world.
Even me, i always think and find the way to earn money and coins.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi Evan :)

Money is very important in our lives but we shouldn't let it control us, especially our happiness. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

Do you agree that money makes the world go around?
I think this is a very difficult question.
>> CORRECT

I don't know, but I think money makes everything and moves.
>> I don't know, but I think money makes everything. 

Narrowly speaking, people with money hire people who want to make money to work.
>> Narrowly speaking, people with money hire people who want to make money by working. 

Broadly speaking, I think countries with money can help poor countries with no money, or maybe adjust their countries.
>> CORRECT

There is saying ,money is power.
>> Bottom line is that money is power. 

Companies with money are making money by making goods with money and making money by making weapons of the country.
>> Companies with money are making money by making goods weapons of the country.

In the Middle East, oil is mined and shake the global economy.
>> In the Middle East, oil is mined and it can shake the global economy.

Apple and Samsung make their products.
>> CORRECT 

People around the world can use theirs.
>> People around the world can use it.

These days, virtual money such as bit-coin shakes people around the world.
>> These days, virtual money such as bit-coin shakes the people around the world.

Even me, i always think and find the way to earn money and coins.
>> Even me, I always think of ways on how I can earn money and coins.
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