¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Do you agree that money makes the world go around? Explain your answer.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ·ù*ÁÖ
2021-10-28 182

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I don't know that it is good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.
If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will be collapsed.
A lot of systems will be collapsed and many kinds of problems about morality will occured by many people.
So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strongly.
But sometimes, some people use this thing to the bad side.
Some people try to hide somethings evil with money.
And also some people do crime because of money.
So I think some parts of the fact that money makes the world go around are not really good.
But money is very systematic system and we have to keep it for the next generation.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi John:)

Money is very important in our lives but we shouldn't let it control us, especially our happiness. :) 

Thank you for making an effort in answering your homework for today. You did an awesome job! I'm so proud of you. Please read all the corrections I wrote down below and analyze them. I know you can do it. See you soon.

I don't know that it is good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.
>> I don't know if that is a good thing or bad thing but I think money makes the world go around.

If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will be collapsed.
>> If there is no money in this world, it will be very confusing and the law will collapse.

A lot of systems will be collapsed and many kinds of problems about morality will occured by many people.
>> A lot of systems will be collapse and many kinds of problems about morality will occur to  many people.

So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strongly.
>> So I think money is the base of a lot of systems, and it keeps the world strong.

But sometimes, some people use this thing to the bad side.
>> But sometimes, people use it in a bad way. 

Some people try to hide somethings evil with money.
>> Some people try to hide bad things with money. 

And also some people do crime because of money.
>> And some people also do crime because of money. 

So I think some parts of the fact that money makes the world go around are not really good.
>> So I think in some parts, money does make  the world go around. 

But money is very systematic system and we have to keep it for the next generation.
>> Money is very systematic and we need to take care of it for the next generations. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113317 What is something that always makes you angry? Kindly explain. ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 0
113316 Wednesday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 199
113315 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 187
113314 Homework ±è*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 202
113313 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 184
113312 To send confidential information À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 184
113311 Describe the first memory you have of going to school. ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 0
113310 Journal ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 176
113309 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113308 My son very sick, we go to hospital, sorry fiona see you 2weeks... ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 202
113307 Today\'s homework Ȳ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113306 Is American English better than any other English? Why? Answer... ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 183
113305 homework ³²*¸¸ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 415
113304 Would you describe your workplace as formal or casual? ¹Ú*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 3
113303 What is the importance of being part of an organization? ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113302 Tell me about your last vacation. ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113301 HOMEWORK: What natural disaster do you fear the most? and why? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 0
113300 My angry case ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 221
113299 What country in Asia would be a great place to live? Why? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 2
113298 What is the most difficult thing about learning English? Discuss... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04