¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Life without stars

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-27 170

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Stars are necessary things to our life. If other stars that don't affect big things to earth are not existed, there won't be big problem. But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can't live without them. In conclusion, we can't live without all of stars.
Diary: I listened to music tonight. The musics were Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan walker's songs. Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings. First Yiruma's songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep, and classical. Third, Alan walker's pop songs are like adventures. Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel!  Thanks for your effort. However, you have to be careful with sentence construction.

-Teacher Debbie

Stars are necessary things to our life.
>> Stars are necessary. 

If other stars that don't affect big things to earth are not existed, there won't be big problem.
>> If the other stars didn't exist, there wouldn't be a big problem. 

 But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can't live without them. 
>> However, the sun and the other stars which greatly affect the earth are very important, so we can't live without them.

In conclusion, we can't live without all of stars.
>> In conclusion, we can't live without stars.

Diary:

I listened to music tonight.
>> This is a good sentence.

The musics were Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan walker's songs.
>> I listened to Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan Walker's songs.

Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings.
>> Each song makes me feel various emotions.

First Yiruma's songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. 
>> First, Yiruma's songs make me feel love, saudade and joy.

Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep, and classical.
>> Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep and classical.

Third, Alan walker's pop songs are like adventures. 
>> Third, Alan Walker's pop songs are like adventures. 

Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.
>> Music makes you feel a lot of emotions. It is powerful.

I agree with you, Daniel. Music is indeed powerful. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113263 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 1
113262 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 1
113261 What was the longest time you have ever been awake in the... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 766
113260 1026 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 912
113259 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 1
113258 Some people say that \"money makes the world go around.\" Do you... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 3
113257 There are some extreme hobbies that some people enjoy. What can... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 1
113256 What motivates you to do a great job at work? ·ù*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 304
113255 what I do in morning to evening ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 204
113254 Why the farm animals are important ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 188
113253 1025(3) ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 160
113252 1025(2) ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 178
113251 1025 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 184
113250 I prefer desert ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 532
113249 Which is shorter your hair or your mom\'s hair? Àü*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 187
113248 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 0
113247 Happy Birthday To my brother! ¿À*°á ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 385
113246 Can you name three things that you like about your job? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 1
113245 In what ways are credit cards better than cash? Á¶*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 219
113244 Do you like travelling? Why? ¹®*À² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-25 916

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04