¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Life without stars

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¿ì
2021-10-27 168

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Stars are necessary things to our life. If other stars that don't affect big things to earth are not existed, there won't be big problem. But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can't live without them. In conclusion, we can't live without all of stars.
Diary: I listened to music tonight. The musics were Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan walker's songs. Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings. First Yiruma's songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep, and classical. Third, Alan walker's pop songs are like adventures. Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Daniel!  Thanks for your effort. However, you have to be careful with sentence construction.

-Teacher Debbie

Stars are necessary things to our life.
>> Stars are necessary. 

If other stars that don't affect big things to earth are not existed, there won't be big problem.
>> If the other stars didn't exist, there wouldn't be a big problem. 

 But like the sun, stars that give a lot of effects to earth is very important, so we can't live without them. 
>> However, the sun and the other stars which greatly affect the earth are very important, so we can't live without them.

In conclusion, we can't live without all of stars.
>> In conclusion, we can't live without stars.

Diary:

I listened to music tonight.
>> This is a good sentence.

The musics were Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan walker's songs.
>> I listened to Yiruma's songs, Einaudi's songs, and Alan Walker's songs.

Each kinds of songs, I can meet various feelings.
>> Each song makes me feel various emotions.

First Yiruma's songs feel love, missing, and bright feeling. 
>> First, Yiruma's songs make me feel love, saudade and joy.

Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep, and classical.
>> Second, Einaudi's songs are very deep and classical.

Third, Alan walker's pop songs are like adventures. 
>> Third, Alan Walker's pop songs are like adventures. 

Like this, there are lots of feeling and power in musics.
>> Music makes you feel a lot of emotions. It is powerful.

I agree with you, Daniel. Music is indeed powerful. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113380 homework Àü*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 0
113379 Mermaids ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 408
113378 Homework °­*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 146
113377 Is \'amusement park\' the right word, or should it be... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 1
113376 Homework😀 ¹Ú*¸® ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 127
113375 why kids will helping parent\'s chores. ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 195
113374 Many claim that the fast food industry had a negative effect on... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 205
113373 e-mail correction ¹Ú*±¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 1
113372 What natural disaster do you fear the most? and why? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 183
113371 Is having a goal in life effective in becoming successful? ±è*±¹ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 2
113370 How do you catch one\'s attention in business? ±è*¹¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 149
113369 Licenses ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 292
113368 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 3
113367 Are you always prepared? ÁÖ*¼® ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 1
113366 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 183
113365 I didn\\\'t know time was diffrent in earth À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 2
113364 How does stress affect you? ±Ç*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 0
113363 Do you think modern technology reduces or increases stress? Why? ·ù*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 156
113362 Homework from the lesson 10282021 Á¶*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-29 263
113361 What is special in your neighborhood that most Indonesians... ¼­*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04