¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Competitive

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*ºó
2021-10-27 243

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Theme : [ESSAY] Are you and your friends competitive with each other? In which areas do you compete?
I compete with Anna.
We compete our physical strength and drawing skills.
We compete our physical strength with playing sports games like volleyball and basketball, etc.
We compete our drawing skills with drawing some flowers or something.
My friends and me are competitive with each other!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there, Clair!

Here's your revised composition. Please pay attention to the corrections and alternative sentences.

Cheers,
Jean~~



        Theme : [ESSAY] Are you and your friends competitive with each other? In which areas do you compete?


I compete with Anna.
>> or: I'm competitive with my best friend, Anna. 

We compete our physical strength and drawing skills.
>> We compete in our physical strength and drawing skills.

We compete our physical strength with playing sports games like volleyball and basketball, etc.
>> For instance, we compete in our physical strength when playing sports, such as volleyball, basketball, etc.

We compete our drawing skills with drawing some flowers or something.
>> Aside from this, we also compete in our drawing skills when drawing some flowers or something.

My friends and me are competitive with each other!
>> or: Indeed, my friends and I are competitive with each other, but in a healthy way!
>> or:  Truthfully, my friends and I are competitive with each other, but it's a healthy competition. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113174 HOMEWORK: Do you would be a great leader? (why/why not) ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 1
113173 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 648
113172 homework °¨*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 0
113171 HOMEWORK: What kind of goal would you like to achieve now? ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 1
113170 HOMEWORK: What tourist attractions would you like to see in... ¼Õ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 1
113169 36 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 473
113168 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 0
113167 My Homework °­*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 177
113166 homework Á¤*È£ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 0
113165 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 2
113164 Homework Á¤*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 3
113163 Who is the most annoying person you know? Why? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 2
113162 What is the hardest problem you have ever faced in your life?... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 1
113161 What is the hardest problem you have ever faced in your life?... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 238
113160 Friday homeowrk ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 170
113159 homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 173
113158 homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 198
113157 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 189
113156 Some people say that it is possible to tell a lot about a... Ȳ*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 283
113155 My hardest problem in my life ÀÌ*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 201

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04