¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Competitive

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*ºó
2021-10-27 231

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Theme : [ESSAY] Are you and your friends competitive with each other? In which areas do you compete?
I compete with Anna.
We compete our physical strength and drawing skills.
We compete our physical strength with playing sports games like volleyball and basketball, etc.
We compete our drawing skills with drawing some flowers or something.
My friends and me are competitive with each other!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there, Clair!

Here's your revised composition. Please pay attention to the corrections and alternative sentences.

Cheers,
Jean~~



        Theme : [ESSAY] Are you and your friends competitive with each other? In which areas do you compete?


I compete with Anna.
>> or: I'm competitive with my best friend, Anna. 

We compete our physical strength and drawing skills.
>> We compete in our physical strength and drawing skills.

We compete our physical strength with playing sports games like volleyball and basketball, etc.
>> For instance, we compete in our physical strength when playing sports, such as volleyball, basketball, etc.

We compete our drawing skills with drawing some flowers or something.
>> Aside from this, we also compete in our drawing skills when drawing some flowers or something.

My friends and me are competitive with each other!
>> or: Indeed, my friends and I are competitive with each other, but in a healthy way!
>> or:  Truthfully, my friends and I are competitive with each other, but it's a healthy competition. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113278 homework ½É*»ó ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 185
113277 Thank you ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 2
113276 dreamtime story À±*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 10
113275 4 ä*¼­ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 207
113274 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 205
113273 writing ±è*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 435
113272 What culture in South Korea are you most proud of? ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 0
113271 What do people usually do during the winter season there in... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 215
113270 Tuesday Homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 174
113269 Homework À±*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 184
113268 Would you describe your workplace as formal or casual? ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 184
113267 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 229
113266 Middle child ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 226
113265 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 2
113264 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 2
113263 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 1
113262 homework ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 1
113261 What was the longest time you have ever been awake in the... Á¤*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 762
113260 1026 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 908
113259 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-26 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04