¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Competitive

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*ºó
2021-10-27 225

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Theme : [ESSAY] Are you and your friends competitive with each other? In which areas do you compete?
I compete with Anna.
We compete our physical strength and drawing skills.
We compete our physical strength with playing sports games like volleyball and basketball, etc.
We compete our drawing skills with drawing some flowers or something.
My friends and me are competitive with each other!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello there, Clair!

Here's your revised composition. Please pay attention to the corrections and alternative sentences.

Cheers,
Jean~~



        Theme : [ESSAY] Are you and your friends competitive with each other? In which areas do you compete?


I compete with Anna.
>> or: I'm competitive with my best friend, Anna. 

We compete our physical strength and drawing skills.
>> We compete in our physical strength and drawing skills.

We compete our physical strength with playing sports games like volleyball and basketball, etc.
>> For instance, we compete in our physical strength when playing sports, such as volleyball, basketball, etc.

We compete our drawing skills with drawing some flowers or something.
>> Aside from this, we also compete in our drawing skills when drawing some flowers or something.

My friends and me are competitive with each other!
>> or: Indeed, my friends and I are competitive with each other, but in a healthy way!
>> or:  Truthfully, my friends and I are competitive with each other, but it's a healthy competition. 

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113358 Do you agree that money makes the world go around? Explain your... ¿©*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 0
113357 Always, too much is bad ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 253
113356 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 195
113355 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 184
113354 Homework ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 1
113353 Which do you like more, studying in China or studying in Korea?... ±è*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 225
113352 Do you agree that money makes the world go around? Explain your... ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 183
113351 Thursday homework ·ù*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 145
113350 The delivery food. ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 2
113349 Dreams ±â*Çö ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 250
113348 home work ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 158
113347 What do people usually do during the winter season there in... ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 194
113346 Do you agree that money makes the world go around? ±è*ÀÓ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 200
113345 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 1
113344 Journal ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 626
113343 What is something that always makes you angry? ¹Ú*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 501
113342 Why do you think divorce rate is increasing? ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-28 204
113341 Do you think action movies are bad for children? Why or why not? ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 2
113340 What do you think is the easiest thing about learning English?... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 1
113339 Homework from the lesson 10272021 Á¶*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-27 184

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04