¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Homework from the lesson 10212021

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*ºñ
2021-10-23 212

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Oct 21 2021
Homework: How do you take care of your mental health?

I am not a sensitive person. However, I get stressed out from time to time because I¡¯m the type of person who can¡¯t stop worrying when caught up in my thoughts. Also worrying, by its own nature, is hard to be stopped by other people because it¡¯s mostly made of undesirable predictions inside one¡¯s mind. Therefore, when caught inside endless worrying thoughts, I often get exhausted, tossing and turning all night.
In order to stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways. For a period of time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram. Though it may make me feel like the stressful situation is gone for a while, the effect would never last long because the problem is still there. So what I do nowadays is to have myself mentally prepared for minute details of the situation. For example, if I am worried about my

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë


Hi, Eunbee! Thank you for making grammatically sound sentences. Good job! However, some of the phrases were wordy. Writing  more concisely is better.

- Debbie


October 21,  2021

Homework: How do you take care of your mental health?


I am not a sensitive person. 
>> This is a good sentence.

However, I get stressed out from time to time because I¡¯m the type of person who can¡¯t stop worrying when caught up in my thoughts. 
>>  This is a good sentence.

Also worrying, by its nature, is hard to be stopped by other people because it¡¯s mostly made of undesirable predictions inside one¡¯s mind. 
>> This is a good sentence.


Therefore, when caught inside endless worrying thoughts, I often get exhausted, tossing and turning all night.
>> This is a good sentence.

In order to stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways.
>> This is a good sentence.
OR
>> To stop wasting my time and energy worrying, I tried numerous ways.

 For a period of time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram.
>>  For some time, I used to avoid the situation by focusing on nearby distractions, which would usually be social media services such as Instagram.

Though it may make me feel like the stressful situation is gone for a while, the effect would never last long because the problem is still there.
>>Though it made me feel like the stressful situation was gone for a while, the effect never lasted long because the problem was still there.

So what I do nowadays is to have myself mentally prepared for minute details of the situation.
>> This is a good sentence.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
113203 Homework ¿À*Àº ¿Ï·á 2021-10-24 202
113202 Strong Power of Body Language Á¤*°æ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-24 198
113201 How often would you say you get a good night\'s sleep? ¹Ú*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-24 267
113200 Homework ¹æ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-24 227
113199 Writing Task: Elections aren\'t the only way to change the... ¹Ú*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-24 2
113198 Do you think a high English language proficiency level is needed? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-24 282
113197 Should the fashion industry use models that look more like... ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-24 834
113196 Homework ÇÔ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-24 1
113195 Hang out ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-23 1
113194 Homework from the lesson 10212021 Á¶*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-23 212
113193 Do you spend money on your hobby? ³ë*ÀÌ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-23 2
113192 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-23 234
113191 Not to be included important information À¯*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-23 227
113190 Journal ·ù*¼± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-23 220
113189 Which is better: dating for a short time or a long time before... ¾È*À± ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 2
113188 Do you think there would be less illness in the future? À±*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 243
113187 Homework °­*¸² ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 1
113186 Fill in the blanks with suitable prepositional phrases ¼±* ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 184
113185 My dad ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 190
113184 I want to be strong and healthy ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2021-10-22 217

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04